Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The road to recovery

I had a slight setback- gal bladder surgery 3 weeks ago- but i have managed to turn it into a positive thing. I took almost 2 full weeks off from lifting( and only power walking for cardio).
I am back to lifting - but not as heavy as i was- that will come with time.

this has allowed me to focus on what i really want and how i am going to get there.

first- i want to get my off season weight to be about 10 lbs less than it is right now. and i want to keep it there consistently- now that because of surgery i can no longer tolerate any processed sugar, fat or flour- i can get there - with out the past struggle of cheating.

I plan on competing on May 22nd and June 5th in colorado= placing 1st and then competing for my pro card- possible in the Masters nationals or junior USA .

I truly want to see how far i can push my body and if i have what it takes to go pro

My other goal is to finish my personal training and nutrition certification over christmas break-= then start taking on more clients- i am really enjoying helping the 3 clients i have and want to help others achieve their goals

This feels a little disconnected to me- becuase it is stream of consciousness writing- but it really helps me to get it down on paper.

My last goal is at least weekly updates here- to keep myself accountable

Troy and i have a long term goal of writing a book and touring and speaking at schools- one step at a time!!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

100% and it feels awesome!!

Today is my first day back 100% clean and I feel awesome-

we went for a 2 hour hike-. which always improves my mood-- and it was beautiful and sunny

tomorrow will be day 2-

food is prepped for the week
"fail to plan, plan to fail"

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Off season- why does it feel so off

I have been having a tough time since Tony told me that he didnt want me to compete next weekend. It is amazing how quickly 6lbs can end up back on my body- not good.

I have a personal goal to be at 150-155 for off season- and i want to be there by christmas. I need to be clean 6 days a week with a free meal on saturdays (or for thanksgiving) I know i can do this .

part of my plan is to blog daily - it will keep me accountable.

Here is to day one being 100%

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

one day at a time, stay positive, and focus on my goals

my husband was picking on me because I hadn't blogged in a while.

the last few weeks have been crazy- My gal bladder decided to really act up- so i did the first cleanse 2 weekends ago- and have been taking Gold coin grass - in 2 more weeks i will do another cleanse- and hopefully the gal stones will be gone(fingers crossed) I am truly hoping i can deal with this non- surgically. Natural is always better in my mind.

other than that things are going well- i have been around 95% clean with my eating. I am working on getting my portions of clean foods back under control.

the next competition i am supposed to do is November 14Th. if all goes well with my diet and gal bladder- i plan to compete in figure and couples bodybuilding.

i have hit a wonderful place for me- i am happy with who i am and what i look like- but have goals to look better- that is HUGE for me- being happy with me.
my body loves to jump about 15 pounds from comp weight almost overnight- then i stabilize. it is time to get that 15lbs off my body.

i am taking it one day at a time and not stressing about it- if my body says no- then i wait to compete until march. I am planning on getting qualified again so i can join one of my friends that is trying to get her pro card- i know i can do it- if i take it a day at a time, focus on my goals, and stay positive.

Monday, September 7, 2009

69 days

When i look at it in terms of days- it doesn't seem very long until i get to step on stage again.

this time i truly want to be my best -ever

i had an epiphany this morning- when i stepped on the scale and it had gone up for the 3rd day in a row- 1. i either need to go shopping for fat clothes
or 2. I need to hit it hard- 100% for the next 69 days and see what happens

i decided to go for #2- it gives me everything i want- #1 takes me to a dark, depressed place i hate being. ( kind of a DUH!!- but i needed to have that conversation with myself)

I woke up and used the quiet morning time to meditate and focus on my goals for the day and the next 69 days- them more time i spend living it in my head- the easier it will be for real

We started the day with a 3 hour intense hike- one of my favorite hikes and views- it was awesome- and i was with my favorite people

My nutrition has been spot on- and i feel great- no gal bladder attacks today!!

once we digest= we will head to the gym for an awesome workout- only 9 more times to kill each body part- i have to focus to be my best


Saturday, September 5, 2009


It has been a while since i have blogged- i think the main reason is i needed a break from the insanity. I have been training hard- (while trying to heal my pulled hamstring and micr0-fractures in my heels from my grueling training leading up to the last comp.) and i have been eating clean, most of the time. I have not been following the diet- just making good choices.

The last comp was a true learning expeirience. I went into it needing to lose too much weight in the last 6 weeks and had to kill myself to get there. I came in at 141 which was the lowest weight i have ever competed at- but i didnt look my best. the show before i was 149 and looked better- why? because i had fuller muscles and was tighter. i lost a lot of muscle in the last 2 weeks -= especially the last week. by the day after comp i looked full and muscular again.

my goal this time is to lean out slower- 1-2 lbs a week loss for the next 10 weeks= and have a shorter dry out - and be able to do it with out 3 hours a day of cardio. My body cant handle that much stress and i dont have the time that i do in the summer to dedicate myself to that much cardio. This time i have to be SMARTER - and stick to my foof 100% , 100% of the time for 10 weeks- i am very capable of doing it- especially when i put my mind to it- it is a personal challenge to me.

I have also discovered more foods that set off gal bladder attacks- which makes eating clean even more important. nuts, chocolate, fat and coffee put me in pain- so (other than coffee- cant give that one up yet) it is time to not eat those foods.

I am dedicated to doing this comp with my husband - it will be a beautiful culmination to our journey up to this point. We are competing in couples on November 14th= doing a tango/ bodybuilding routine. We are going to take first place!! period.

SMARTER, faster, leaner, harder , and more focused will get me there!!!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

6 days and counting

I am officially in the last week of competition prep. Nothing can stop me now- i am like a horse going to the barn. I know my path and i can see my goal- i just have to keep moving and i will get there.

getting to this point has not been easy( and this week definately wont be easy either- i just know there is an end in sight) Last week was filled with emotion and self doubt. i always have to fight the naysayers in my head- and sometimes those around me. After i got mad- and said i am doing this competiton and going on stage with my best body if i have to crawl on stage- everything got better. Sometimes i am my worst enemy. I let others control my mood and destiny- i am in charge and the only one that can get me to where i want to go- and i want 1st place. Period.

In order to get there i have to have a perfect week- not a problem- i have lived this week many times in my head - so doing it for real will just be a repeat of what i have already done.

Each day is important - and today it starts with an intense bike ride!!

Live each day as if it is your last

Enjoy each moment

and you wont regret a single one

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Two Weeks and counting

I am officially two weeks out from my second bodybuilding competition. The last two weeks have been difficult to say the least. I have pushed myself both mentally and physically during this time - sometimes it has turned out good - sometimes it has laid me on my butt. This is all a part of the journey.

I have had to dig deep several times to just get through the day. I spent 4 nights on my feet bartending a music festival- i literally felt like i had someone elses legs on. sometimes i barely made it through my workouts- but i dug deep and did.

I still have 13 days to go- the next week is the most intense for me- after that i am like a horse to the barn. the light is at the end of the tunnel and i know i can do it

i spend a lot of time visualizing myself on stage- visualizing the steps to get there- sometimes just visualizing- -----

sometimes i wonder why i do this to myself- other times i cant imagine not doing this- the end results are amazing- there is no feeling like being on stage- presenting all your hard work- it is truely a rush!!! this rush gets me through the fatique of the last two weeks.

So as i count down the days and workouts leading up to the competition i think of what it has taken me to get here. each step makes me stronger and more determined and more successful in all areas - the journey is worth it- because even when I stumble- I still move forward.

I do this not only for myself , but for my family- it is important to me that my daughters see me struggle and get through each step and finish my journey. Too many people give up right before they feel the glory.

so as I go to rest and renew tonight- i count down one more day, one more workout, one more posing session, plyos, cardio, etc. each a stepping stone in my journey


Saturday, June 20, 2009

4 weeks to the stage

It is funny how some of us count the days and some the weeks.

I prefer weeks- It makes it seem shorter, but in reality 4 weeks is a lot of time. In 4 weeks I can lose another 8-10 pounds and 6-8% bodyfat- my body really transforms in this last month.

4 weeks also seems so short - it is when doubt can set in - sometimes i wonder if i will have done enough to get the body i want. I feel really good about this journey- i have been spot on with my diet - only increasing the protein or broccoli when i really need a little more. I am hungry when i go to bed and feeling leaner when i wake up. These are all good signs.

I have not missed a workout- even when my legs felt like lead. My intensity and focus are geared to my goal- i want 1st place and know i cant mess up in this last 4 weeks if I plan on reaching my goal.

4 weeks- means 4 workouts on each body part - each one needs to be focused and intense. it also means posing every day to get the muscles ready. Cardio needs to be intense- and fun- i try to do as much outside as possible. It is still summer- and this still has to be fun.

Speaking of fun- it is time to hit the gym

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Attacking .... One day at a time-

I have 5 weeks until my next competition.

I am visualizing myself taking first place- i can feel the trophy in my hands and hear them call my name for first. I also visualize all the steps on the way there. The posing, the routine, the hair, makeup, suit, tan - and everything that comes before that....

Each workout is given as much intensity as i can- because I only have 4 more weeks of lifting to make the muscles pop.

The diet is 100% on target- because i dont want to have any reason to be mad at myself.

I get up and run every morning- whether my heels and hamstring hurt or not- thinking the mantra" stronger, faster , leaner" as my feet beat the pavement.

I practice posing and my routine until it is so ingrained in my muscle tissue that it is easy.

I do all this because i want to., i have chosen this journey- it is not one i take lightley. Any day that seems difficult i just take as a step in the process and proceed to the best of my ability.

I do all this because i have set a goal to win- and the girl that takes second to me wont be doing the things i am doing to take first- every moment, every day, every action counts.

Bring it on!!!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Choices- you are in charge!!

This has been a great week- 100% on track with food and workouts. I feel leaner and am actually looking forward to weighing in tomorrow(this is a new one for me)

Today i made a choice- i promised to help my daughters make cookies for our garage sale tomorrow- they want to have a lemonaide stand and cookies. Making cookies on a comp diet is difficult to say the least. After listening to a podcast by Tony- i realized that I could have a "taste" and stop there. I have always been an all or nothing person- if it is around- i eat it - so i dont keep bad food in my house. The cookies were chocolate chip and peanut butter- 2 of my worst temptations- so i decided before i started to have 10 chocolate chips and a tablespoon of peanut butter. I managed to get through baking with out having an all out splurge because I allowed myself a taste. I know that this isnt a behavior i can use in the next 6 weeks- but it is definately something that will help keep me sane off season.

I feel like i have won a small battle with myself- now hopefully the scale is still nice to me tomorrow:)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Owning your choices

This morning i read a post by Tony on his dreambodies newsletter the following quote really hit home

"Never, EVER let anything or anyone take from you what is NOT theirs to take, nor can they ever own it--that's your heart and inner strength. It is YOURS and YOU are far more powerful than you may think you are."

This really hits home- just as you cant blame the way you look on anyone else, you OWN your success- there are those that are instrumental to helping us- that we sometimes feel we couldn't have done it without their help, but in the long run it is the choices we make every minute, every day, that matter. it is also the small choices that add up and help us have success and reach out goals .

Feeling empowered is a large part of this for me. I like knowing I "Own " this- even when i make the small choices that are not the best ones- they are still mine- i cant blame anyone else. Last night I slipped a little on my food plan- but it was different this time- i realized what i was doing- and i stopped myself(unfortunately not before I started:))- and i went for a long run this morning . I know you cant exercise yourself out of a bad diet, but it does help counteract those slip ups to have an aggressive cardio session. ( both mentally and physically)

So each day is a new day- the best day ever!! You make the choices that make it a great day-

Have a great day

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Monsters Everywhere!!

Tony's post on facebook yesterday had me thinking- he is amazingly focused in the gym- a "monster" and I joked with him that he is creating a race of monsters just like him. Although i was kidding yesterday, i realized that it is true- we are all striving to be Monsters in and out of the gym.

Being a monster requires intense mental and physical focus. It also involves visualizing the "monster " you want to be - as if you are already there.

Tony told me today "you are the monster I'm creating.....pretty and muscular...but a monster none the same :)" I like thinking of myself this way- not a scary monster, but a powerful, sexy, muscualr one.

So each day- i focus on the Monster i want to be - how i will look on stage, the routine i will do(which is slowly forming in my head) all graceful, sexy, muscular, strong and confident.

I am capable of anything i set my mind to - My biggest problem is getting in my own way, not this time, this time i am behind myself pushing all the way to 1st place

Monday, May 25, 2009

8 weeks out from competition- on fire and ready!!

This is my first post- I am officially off school - which means my stress level goes down and the number of hours i get to sleep goes up-

this is HUGE when i want to lean out for a show. I am already seeing the scale drop- and if i continue at around 2 lbs a week i should be on track for the last week before comp and the final lean out .

I can feel the fire in me and the fact that i WILL take 1st place overall at the colorado state bodybuilding show on July 18th. The only thing that could stop me is ME- and i am not going to let that happen.

100% 100% of the time for the next 8 weeks(diet, exercise, focus, determination)